Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
