Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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