hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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