Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
