If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
