i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
