i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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