i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
