That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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