Will you blow on my dice?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
