Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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