Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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