Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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