And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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