If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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