I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
3pm strippers are depressing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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