the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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