Sry I called you an 8
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
