when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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