Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
