yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
