Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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