i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
