Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
