no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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