Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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