I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
