Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
