please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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