that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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