I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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