i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.