So drunk its hurt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?