Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
