just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.