the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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