I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
