i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't