mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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