just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
