People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
