Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
