i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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