I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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