k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
