I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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