I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
