the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
