omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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