no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
