Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
