The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
