I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
