You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The air taste purple.
Randomize
