yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
