I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize