I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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