we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
