My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
