oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I checked into jail on foursquare
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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