are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
