Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
