the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
