I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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