Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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