He is an equal opportunity slut.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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