Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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