I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
