yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
