You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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