She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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