you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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