You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
