i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
