I look better un-naked...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
