So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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