1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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