FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
