Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
